I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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