he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
