You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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