Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize