and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
