I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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