That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Randomize
