You can't special order awesome
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
