at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
