normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
