I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize