shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
