If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
