I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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