...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
