I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
