Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize
