he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
