im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
