My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
