Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
