He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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