I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
we made out on top of his cat.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
