Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
