I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
