OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Randomize