My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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