Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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