no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
i believe in u and ur pee
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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