You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
