I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
