Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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