Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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