70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
They took my balls.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
