also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
