I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize