addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
