So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It's shark week go big or go home
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
