A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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