its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
