I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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