Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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