Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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