I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
