I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
