she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I have so many feelings about this burrito
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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