sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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