You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
