what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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