You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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