He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
