Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
