when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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