i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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