Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
