my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
