PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
