I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
