I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
