I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
