i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
