I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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