it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
