he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
