people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm experimenting with sincerity
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You've changed since you got that strap on
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
