he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
