Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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