i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
