u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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