I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
