you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
