i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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