dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
