either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
