I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize