ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
